IOC announces new plan to help beijing air quality problems

BEIJING, China- The International Olympic Committee recently announced a new plan to solve the air quality problems in Beijing. The air, which is apparently too smoggy for many athletes and has been criticized by several of them, has been the subject in many conversations about the Olympics. In fact, according to a recent Guinness world record list of "most popular conversation pieces at the Olympics", it is only second to "Will the U.S. bring home the Gold medals as a new economic stimulus plan?". After the Opening Ceremony in Beijing, which many either called "awesome" or "creepy", the IOC had an emergency meeting. Sources say they talked about whether or not they should have let the Chinese shoot fireworks into the sky when it already had enough smoke-like smog. One member, who remains unnamed, proposed a plan to build a giant Ionic Breeze type air purifier, called the "Olympic Breeze". Here are the before and after pictures:

You can't spell "Olympic Games" without smog...



It's like the smog isn't even there!


Now controversy might come up over the use of the Olympic Breeze, seeing as how it would just emit ozone that is harmful to humans, just like the ionic breeze. Well, they're wrong. Because it would be so massively huge, it would actually only emit the good ozone, leaving Beijing with that fresh rainy day scent. It'd also patch up a few holes in the ozone as well. The committee cites this as "only another reason everyone should love the Olympics". But in the spirit of the Olympics and where it is, It doesn't matter. You love the Olympics; I decided for you, no need to thank me.

There is trouble in the forest....

Nation,
There is unrest in the forest, and trouble in the trees. You see, the Maples want more sunlight, but the Oaks ignore their pleas. It's the classic story of oppression. Those dang oaks, thinking they're so wise and mighty... The Maples tend to disagree.(In fact, they're quite convinced they're right.) They say the oaks are just too lofty, and they "grab up all the light". However, the Oaks can't help it if that's the way they were made. When interviewed, they posed the question "Why can't the Maples just be happy in their shade?"
This trouble in the forest has not stopped either. This feud has caused all the forest creatures to leave, including the all to famous "Travelocity Gnome". He was unable to comment, and we couldn't hear him due to the maples screaming oppression, and our microphones only picking up the sounds of leaves from the Oaks shaking their heads.
Recently, the Maples formed a union. The MAACTU, or Maples Are Awesomely Cool Trees Union. This union demands equal rights to the Oaks, and passed a law supported by every lumberjack ever alive. Some have even gone as far to call it "noble". It requires that "All trees be kept equal, by hatchet, axe, and saw."

I think it's safe to say, it's a good day not to be a tree.


A little explanation, if you need one. I've always like Rush's "The Trees", and I like writing news style blogs too. I just figured I'd mix the two.