Barack Obama Writing 4th Book; Sources Say it Is His Autobiography

CHICAGO, Illinois- Presidential candidate Barack Obama is at it again. No, not attacking his opponent John McCain, or upsetting the Hillians (crazy followers of Hilary Clinton). Barack Obama is writing a book. Sources say after the presidential debate held at University of Mississippi, Barack felt like he wanted to write again. And he did. The book, an autobiography, will be called Let Me Be Clear: The Barack Obama Story. When asked why he started writing so close to the end of the presidential campaigns, he said "Look... It's quite simple really,... it makes for a great ending when I'm president, and if by some odd chance I lose... it's still a great story". The book has a tenative schedule, but according to a reliable source, it is scheduled to come out November 6, Just two days after the final day to vote for the next President of the U.S.
John McCain was asked about it yesterday, and he welcomed it saying "If Obama wants to write an autobiography, that's great. That's American. I only hope all the profits go back to the tax paying citizens of America who had to put up with his pork barrel spending he's done in the past. Just look at his voting record...". His comments of course caused a response from Obama, with the Obama Camp issuing a press statement today saying "What my opponent was saying is simply not true. I am now opposed to pork barreled spending, and he knows it. So, um.. yeah." The McCain Camp didn't respond back, they just laughed and maverickly smiled like they had accomplished something. Interestingly enough, sources say Ron Paul also issued a statement today saying he was "offended that his opinion on the matter wasn't asked... This is nothing new, I mean the media's done this to me since day one... Thank God the internet is my friend, they'd ask me what I thought". Since then 11 blogs and counting now have his opinion on the matter.

You can pre-order Barack Obama's autobiography Let Me Be Clear: The Barack Obama Story
from Books-A-Zillion here.

Alice 96.1 Gone Missing; Research Shows CERN to Blame

FRANCO-SWISS BORDER, EUROPE AND SURPRISINGLY ALSO MONTGOMERY, AL- As most people who read the news know, the Conseil Européen pour la Recherche Nucléaire or CERN, recently started using it's Large Hadron Collider. The LHC sparked many arguments over the past week, with many thinking it could end the world. Some CERN workers even received death threats in the mail because of it. But what many don't know, is that CERN is the reason Alice 96. 1 is gone. You see, Alice is an acronym for A Large Ion Collider Experiment, and is one of the four main points on the LHC. Sources say in early the 2000's, CERN needed a place outside of Europe to keep ALICE, and they chose Montgomery, Al. French officials deemed it safe in Montgomery because "it was in a different country, and Alabama of all places" In cooperation with local officials, they hid ALICE at a local radio station, known as KISS FM at the time. KISS FM was then changed to Alice 96.1, with local and international officials rightfully thinking no one would suspect a thing. While CERN was building the rest of the Large Hadron Collider, Alice 96.1 was gaining popularity in Central Alabama. It wasn't until late august of 2008 that CERN actually needed ALICE back, and that's when Alice 96.1 slowly started the Emergency Name Plan Act of 2000. The owners of 96.1 came up with this plan shortly after France gave them ALICE, and chose the name "Q 96.1". The name is based off of a French phrase "Quelque Part" meaning "somewhere", and is the owner's way of saying that name was somewhere, just not here anymore.


I do however think I speak for the entire city of Montgomery(or maybe 3/4... 1/2... 1/4... or maybe just 3 people) when I say what kind of name is Q? Seriously.