W Approves New Economical Bailout Before His Term Is Over

WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Bush, in some of his final days in office has approved yet another bailout deal for Wall Street. Sources say however, that this bailout won't cost as much. It is projected Bush authorized a plan that would only use 943,000 Dollars. The cheap plan, which has congressmen and women scratching their heads, will be enacted on January 13, 2009. It is described as "The fight for Wall Street" or as others say, "La Lucha por la Calle de Pared" and it involves one bull, and one bear. Un toro, un oso. The plan calls for the bear and the bull to battle it out just four miles away from Wall Street, at Brooklyn Tech High School's football field. The original plan called for Madison Square Garden, but they later decided it was too far away. It goes on to say the winner will decide the fate of our economy, so let's hope the bull wins. PETA will no doubt protest the economic plans, as it involves violence between two animals, but staunch repubrocrats will be quick to cite the newly approved Dubya Doesn't Care Act of Late 2008, which states W can ignore PETA if he wants. Sources say the recently approved act was secretly added into a government contract with The Scooter Store© which would give all employees "Freedom Scooters" once they retired. If W decides to use the DDCA, democrats would likely protest, saying it is unconstitutional. This might delay the Economic plans, but it will not end them; President elect Barack Obama once used a similar plan to prevent ACORN from going bankrupt. In ACORN's case, president elect Obama apparently chose squirrels and chipmunks, due to their fondness of acorns. When asked to comment on it, all he said was this: "Now look .... That was a long time ago ... and it worked ... so I don't see a problem with it." When Sen. John McCain, former presidential candidate was asked what he thought, he simply said "I see no problem with that. In fact, I hope the squirrel won... because what the democrats don't want you to know is that most squirrels are republican".
Preparations for the plan to be enacted will start in December, around Christmas. Official merchandise for the fight will start selling on Black Friday, and all proceeds will go to ... well ... bail us out. I'm pretty sure that's a good cause.


DirecTv and Dish will have pay per view coverage of the fight, but it is rumored that cable viewers will not be able to watch it, due to ESPN deciding to shift the fight to ESPN360. Though Verizon, AT&T, and some Charter Communications customers usually recieve ESPN360 there are scheduled blackouts in those areas, on that exact day, once again proving ESPN is the Colonel Klink of cable television.

Fun With Flashbacks, Part IV or How I somewhat cheat with a blog that's not really new.

I know what you're thinking. I've never done a Fun With Flashbacks blog, much less three of them. And you're right. The only reason this is part four is due to the Back to the Future Trilogy(which has nothing to do with my blog, it was more out of precaution.) Anyway, due to the economnomnomic crisis going on, I'm recycling editing my first blog. It does nothing for the environment, nor does it do anything to help me economically, I just like to say I told you so. Thus I give you my unequivocally recycled editor's cut blog.


Preface
June 3, 2008. It's around 2:40 and I had nothing to do. Nothing to do but blog. And so I did. For a whole 20 minutes or so, I sat in an office chair furiously writing and poorly photoshopping away on a blog I didn't really expect anyone to read. Well maybe I expected a few friends, but I pretty much figured everyone would just skim through it or ignore it as a load of bull. Some read it, some commented it (on myspace), and some did nothing (I don't blame them). It wasn't a sucess or close to being one, and I doubt it will ever be a sucess until america actually listens to me. Which might never happen, but I digress.

Parts One, and Two Merged for this Special Edition
A proposal for a solution to the end of America's debt, or "How I think we wasted money" or a totally recycled edited title from my first blog.
Getting straight to the subject, we waste pennies, dimes, nickels, and quarters. A man once said "A penny saved, is a penny earned". That man, also known as Benjamin Franklin, knew what he was talking about. If he didn't, I don't think he'd be on the 100 dollar bill. You see, America is in debt. Lots O' Debt. Why? I don't know.... Oh wait, I do know. It's the pennies, and all sorts of other change that we drop. And a few other major minor reasons, but for my sake I won't get into that.
In my first blog, I suggested we start a penny/dime/nickel saving commission. It could have a commercial, with a catchy phrase. I also said if America doesn't start now, we'll start down the long forgotten road of no coin change. And that it would not be fun on 99 cent taco Tuesdays for most of us. Sad thing is, I believe we're dead close to that fun-free taco-less future.

So what do we do? Simple. Save like no tomorrow. Forget tossing that penny into a wishing well wishing for a million dollars. If I had a penny for everytime someone did that, I'd have a million dollars. But I don't get a penny for that, so you can stop wishing. Plus, as I pointed out in the first blog, there are serious repercussions from throwing change into wells, rivers, and other places fish live. See Part two of said blog for more info: http://timducoteforpresidentoftheworld.blogspot.com/2008/06/proposal-for-solution-to-end-of.html

So as you can see, as I end this due to a general want to end it like I did the first blog- There is one true point that rings throughout like a bell symbolizing freedom rings. If America would just pick up their pocket change, I dare say we wouldn't be in debt. I also dare say I wouldn't have to write this.

Barack Obama Writing 4th Book; Sources Say it Is His Autobiography

CHICAGO, Illinois- Presidential candidate Barack Obama is at it again. No, not attacking his opponent John McCain, or upsetting the Hillians (crazy followers of Hilary Clinton). Barack Obama is writing a book. Sources say after the presidential debate held at University of Mississippi, Barack felt like he wanted to write again. And he did. The book, an autobiography, will be called Let Me Be Clear: The Barack Obama Story. When asked why he started writing so close to the end of the presidential campaigns, he said "Look... It's quite simple really,... it makes for a great ending when I'm president, and if by some odd chance I lose... it's still a great story". The book has a tenative schedule, but according to a reliable source, it is scheduled to come out November 6, Just two days after the final day to vote for the next President of the U.S.
John McCain was asked about it yesterday, and he welcomed it saying "If Obama wants to write an autobiography, that's great. That's American. I only hope all the profits go back to the tax paying citizens of America who had to put up with his pork barrel spending he's done in the past. Just look at his voting record...". His comments of course caused a response from Obama, with the Obama Camp issuing a press statement today saying "What my opponent was saying is simply not true. I am now opposed to pork barreled spending, and he knows it. So, um.. yeah." The McCain Camp didn't respond back, they just laughed and maverickly smiled like they had accomplished something. Interestingly enough, sources say Ron Paul also issued a statement today saying he was "offended that his opinion on the matter wasn't asked... This is nothing new, I mean the media's done this to me since day one... Thank God the internet is my friend, they'd ask me what I thought". Since then 11 blogs and counting now have his opinion on the matter.

You can pre-order Barack Obama's autobiography Let Me Be Clear: The Barack Obama Story
from Books-A-Zillion here.

Alice 96.1 Gone Missing; Research Shows CERN to Blame

FRANCO-SWISS BORDER, EUROPE AND SURPRISINGLY ALSO MONTGOMERY, AL- As most people who read the news know, the Conseil Européen pour la Recherche Nucléaire or CERN, recently started using it's Large Hadron Collider. The LHC sparked many arguments over the past week, with many thinking it could end the world. Some CERN workers even received death threats in the mail because of it. But what many don't know, is that CERN is the reason Alice 96. 1 is gone. You see, Alice is an acronym for A Large Ion Collider Experiment, and is one of the four main points on the LHC. Sources say in early the 2000's, CERN needed a place outside of Europe to keep ALICE, and they chose Montgomery, Al. French officials deemed it safe in Montgomery because "it was in a different country, and Alabama of all places" In cooperation with local officials, they hid ALICE at a local radio station, known as KISS FM at the time. KISS FM was then changed to Alice 96.1, with local and international officials rightfully thinking no one would suspect a thing. While CERN was building the rest of the Large Hadron Collider, Alice 96.1 was gaining popularity in Central Alabama. It wasn't until late august of 2008 that CERN actually needed ALICE back, and that's when Alice 96.1 slowly started the Emergency Name Plan Act of 2000. The owners of 96.1 came up with this plan shortly after France gave them ALICE, and chose the name "Q 96.1". The name is based off of a French phrase "Quelque Part" meaning "somewhere", and is the owner's way of saying that name was somewhere, just not here anymore.


I do however think I speak for the entire city of Montgomery(or maybe 3/4... 1/2... 1/4... or maybe just 3 people) when I say what kind of name is Q? Seriously.

IOC announces new plan to help beijing air quality problems

BEIJING, China- The International Olympic Committee recently announced a new plan to solve the air quality problems in Beijing. The air, which is apparently too smoggy for many athletes and has been criticized by several of them, has been the subject in many conversations about the Olympics. In fact, according to a recent Guinness world record list of "most popular conversation pieces at the Olympics", it is only second to "Will the U.S. bring home the Gold medals as a new economic stimulus plan?". After the Opening Ceremony in Beijing, which many either called "awesome" or "creepy", the IOC had an emergency meeting. Sources say they talked about whether or not they should have let the Chinese shoot fireworks into the sky when it already had enough smoke-like smog. One member, who remains unnamed, proposed a plan to build a giant Ionic Breeze type air purifier, called the "Olympic Breeze". Here are the before and after pictures:

You can't spell "Olympic Games" without smog...



It's like the smog isn't even there!


Now controversy might come up over the use of the Olympic Breeze, seeing as how it would just emit ozone that is harmful to humans, just like the ionic breeze. Well, they're wrong. Because it would be so massively huge, it would actually only emit the good ozone, leaving Beijing with that fresh rainy day scent. It'd also patch up a few holes in the ozone as well. The committee cites this as "only another reason everyone should love the Olympics". But in the spirit of the Olympics and where it is, It doesn't matter. You love the Olympics; I decided for you, no need to thank me.

There is trouble in the forest....

Nation,
There is unrest in the forest, and trouble in the trees. You see, the Maples want more sunlight, but the Oaks ignore their pleas. It's the classic story of oppression. Those dang oaks, thinking they're so wise and mighty... The Maples tend to disagree.(In fact, they're quite convinced they're right.) They say the oaks are just too lofty, and they "grab up all the light". However, the Oaks can't help it if that's the way they were made. When interviewed, they posed the question "Why can't the Maples just be happy in their shade?"
This trouble in the forest has not stopped either. This feud has caused all the forest creatures to leave, including the all to famous "Travelocity Gnome". He was unable to comment, and we couldn't hear him due to the maples screaming oppression, and our microphones only picking up the sounds of leaves from the Oaks shaking their heads.
Recently, the Maples formed a union. The MAACTU, or Maples Are Awesomely Cool Trees Union. This union demands equal rights to the Oaks, and passed a law supported by every lumberjack ever alive. Some have even gone as far to call it "noble". It requires that "All trees be kept equal, by hatchet, axe, and saw."

I think it's safe to say, it's a good day not to be a tree.


A little explanation, if you need one. I've always like Rush's "The Trees", and I like writing news style blogs too. I just figured I'd mix the two.

Tales from The Oven, Part I

And so, I start a series which I won't write about often. Depressing yes, but I only go to The Oven ever so often. Now when I say The Oven, I refer to Riverwalk Stadium in Montgomery. I just like the name The Oven a whole lot better. It goes with the whole biscuits thing better than Riverwalk Stadium does, and quite frankly, it is an oven in certain seats during the summer.

Now, I must confess I'm writing this a bit late. Chronic computer restarts and my Laziness have been the main things causing me to put it off. But getting back to the story,

There we were. Just arriving at The Oven, we were waiting for a friend to get there and get tickets so we could all sit in the same row. He got the tickets and we walked through the gates into The Oven, as the Biscuits were preheating...er, doing the pregame warm up(sorry, couldn't help the bad pun there). Okay, actually they had started before we walked in, but that's just a minor detail. Now I should point out that the main reason we were there was to heckle and support the biscuits. After all, what fan doesn't heckle at some point? We did(or at least I did) run into a dilemma. Because it was family faith night, we weren't sure how much we should heckle. We all agreed that we would heckle, but nothing bad or anti-family friendly. And thus it began. Sean Connery impressions, every random name we could think of that wasn't in The Mitchell Report, pointing out that the umpire was indeed short, and much much more. We clapped along with everything we could, even going 110%(or one measure after it ended) for all the songs. We even had kids in front of us clapping and commenting on the umpire's shortness by the third inning too. It was truly a family-ish event. Or so we thought.

The start of the seventh inning began as the previous had, with random yelling, clapping, and general festivities... ok, so pretty much just those first two. But not much later, this great game for the Biscuits turned Sourdough. Sorry I really couldn't help it. That was the last one I promise. One of the employees came over to us and asked to see our tickets. We wondered why, since even though we weren't in our seats, the closest people were three seats away and no one had come and claimed the seats. We cooperated with the employee Harry E*, and politely moved. But on the way, Jordan, my neighbor and resident Baseball Stadium Lawyer, asked the man why we had to move since no one actually wanted the seats, and when heckling no profane statements were made. We didn't even talk to the team like the Paula Abdul lady there, who I swear tried to distract our team on purpose... On top of all that, it wasn't even Harry's job to check tickets. I'm not blaming Harry E. for the event. He apologized, and after all he was just doing what the higher-ups had told him. It ruined the next 4 or 5 innings of the game after it though.

It left us walking around the stadium wanting to heckle, like a tribe hunting caribou for meat, pelts, and of course a creepy deer head to hang on a wall back at the tribe. We chose the back wall, and for a few innings it worked. Around that time we decided we were going to go sit back in the stands again, but at a different location. The location we chose ended up redeeming the night, thanks to the people there who thanked us for coming over, and occasionally joined in the pastimes enjoyed by those who aren't playing the "Great American Pastime"(aka singing, heckling, clapping, and dancing along to whatever song the play). We made it onto the big screen too, and if we had stayed in those seats any longer, I could venture to say we could have found the cure for the common cold. They say it's impossible, but then they haven't sat in those seats have they?

That's all for now. It was an interesting night to say the least, only redeemed by the older couple that thanked us and invited us to come back anytime we like as if it's their stadium. And with how great they were, they probably did own it. Sort of. Okay, not really, but they were still great. Tune in whenever I decide to WRITE another edition of Tales From The Oven. Or just read all the stuff on my blog. That'd be cool of you.

*Name was changed for sake of the person. Duh.

Is this really the new chicken dance?

Dang liberals. Er, dang little girls... Invading such a timeless dance such as the chicken dance, making it "funky" or "fresh" or whatever other term that makes me sound like I don't know what the cool terms these days are. Here's the video, you be the judge. Is this another pointless McD commercial gone bad? Or is this the future of the chicken dance?

(note: video is a bit off)

Facebook Yearbook to come out soon

PALO ALTO, California- The suits at Facebook's HQ in Palo Alto announced late last night that they were planning on making a yearbook of Facebook users, because it would be "Pretty dang cool". When asked how they would do it, they had this to say: "Because there's like a bazillion users... okay, more like 80 million active users, we'll have to use a computer to go through making a list of the account names. From then on, we'll have to manually search through names to see if they're real or not, which will be hard to do.We'll also have to age restrict for privacy reasons, and add a funny haiku for those who don't want their picture in it."
It will indeed be a tough task for Facebook, as they are likely to face a large amount of angry 12, 13, and 14 year olds who have illegally registered on the site claiming to be older than they really are, and just want to be popular. It will also be tough deciding on which group would be considered the Glee Club, though sources say they have already chosen "Petition facebook for colored profiles" as the glee club, because "they want colored profiles, that sounds glee-ish". The yearbook for 2008 should be done by 2020, which sources say will largely be caused by a Myspace-Facebook merger. This gives hope to all users that the name of the yearbook will be "My face's Space Book".

Oh my gosh. I'm famous. Sort of.

I never thought this day would come. If you search my name in google, I'm actually the first result, making me the first person in my family to ever have the awsomeness of it. This is a great day for Tims and Ducotés everywhere. Anyways, I'll have a new blog soon. I guess I should have written one sooner(go ahead, say it Nick), but I haven't had any ideas lately. Hopefully my idea drought will end soon, now that I'm sort of famous.

BBC Says Mars Rover Is "Frustrated By Martian Soil", Lander says "That's What She Said"

MARS, The Solar System- BBC reporters say that Martian soil has frustrated The Phoenix Lander, because it can't get a reading from it. My own sources say the Lander, or Mr. Pheeny as I like to call it, has reportedly sent back binary data saying "This place is stupid." and "all your base are belonging to Mars". Many of us here at my house know that this is not good news at all. Mr. Pheeny, who was sent to Mars on the 25th of May, has just now started to try and dig to analyze the soil of Mars. BBC said that when it tried to analyze the soil in it's hi-tech Thermal and Evolved-Gas Analyzer, it seemed the soil was a bit too "lumpy", and that "it frustrated the rover". When NASA told the Rover, it reportedly sent back a binary code saying "That's what she said" and that "it will pwn Mars' soil." Sources say that the problem should be fixed in a few days, once the necessary code to read the soil is sent to the rover. Until then, NASA say they will "do whatever is possible to find out about Mars... Even if it means sending Commander Keen there" referring to Billy Blaze, now 36, but most known as the kid whowent to Mars in a spaceship made out of old soup cans and other household items. If Keen does go to Mars again, it will likely be in a real spaceship this time for safety and weight reasons.

China to Allow Texting As Olympic Sport

China to Allow Texting As Olympic Sport
Can America Bring Home the Gold?
By: Tim Ducote



WASHINGTON, D.C.- This statement might come to many as a surprise. The first being me writing a news article, and second being texting as an Olympic sport. But in a recent interview with the U.S. Olympic Committee, we find both happen to come up. "I didn't know texting was a sport" said U.S. Olympic Ombudsman John W. Ruger. "But we're certainly working on it. We've got a team together, including the World's best texter Ben Cook... That kid is so good, only a robot can beat him." he said, confidently referring to the fact that Ben Cook has only been beaten in texting competitions by a text-to-speech computer. The rest of the team has not been named yet, but speculators say it will be "the next dream team, but in tech form". But the U.S. will have some tough competition, most likely going against England's favorite James Trusler, New Zealand's Elliot Nicholls, and the 16 year-old Singaporean wonder Ang Chuang.
The main thought on everyone's mind though is this: Will anyone be texting, idk their bff jill... or maybe rose?










Disclaimer: THIS IS ENTIRELY FICTIONAL, POKING FUN AT THE OLYMPICS. NO ACTUAL EVENTS MENTIONED TOOK PLACE.

Attack of the Clownes?

Once again, I decided to make another blog of stupid conspiracy theories. Sure, with the Dallas Morning News giving me free reign to go through new, previously hidden J.F.K. assassination files I could have proven that it was the Mongoose in the grassy knoll after all, but we all know that's true and thus would have been a waste of precious internet for me to write about it. Remember, the internet isn't a truck where we can dump all our files onto. It's a series of tubes, and they can be clogged. Which is why I'd like to remind you to be green when using the Interwebs. I think I can say roughly one ninth of the internet has been lost from wasted internet. If this continues, along with the average user's silicon footprint, in ten years roughly one ninth will still be wasted! I'll leave you with my favorite SoTA(series of tubes awareness) poster. Series of Tubes Poster.


What you came to read in the first place
Anyways, I'd like to bring awareness to Clowns. Er, Clones. Okay, both of them. You see, to properly explain I'll have to go back a little. Last year I studied etymology a little, also known as the study of words and where they come from. While researching words one day, I came across an astonishing discovery. Now, along with my colleagues Professor Tim Coolson and Professor Bob G. Madd, I have reason to believe that Clowns and Clones are actually one of the same. Ok, so maybe it's just me and I made up the two "colleagues", but I still have reason to believe they're closely related.

And Now for something completely in Danish, or really just a few Danish words here and there.
If one looks up the Danish word for Clown, they would easily find that it is "Klovn".
Now if one does the same for Clone, they find the word is "Klon". What? Only a one letter difference? How could that be you ask? Well it's simple. Way back before the Germanic Consonant Shift in the third century(we're talking B.C./ early A.D.), the Danes were just chilling. Yes, Chilling... That is until a massive Klovn Attack, also known to many as one of the attacks Ceasar Augustus sent upon the Danes. Of course then they weren't known as Danes, and yes I realize I just made a statement saying that Ceaser Augustus himself, the first Roman Emperor sent Clowns to attack. And I stand by that. Sort of. More of right next to it. You see, what strikes fear into a grown man's heart more than clowns? Nothing. Well, not much anyways. Augustus knew this, and as a man who knew the power of clowns himself, he sent them upon the Danes hoping to conquer them. When the clowns arrived, ironically all crammed onto a tiny cart carried by a miniature pony(much like the tiny cars they use today) it was interesting. A young historian at the time, along with his teacher, were recording the moment in history. The boy described them as "klovns" much to his teacher's disagreement. At the time, the word "Klon" had many meanings, such as clone. If the boy had used "Klons" to describe them, it would have been accurate. But the boy, much like myself, thought that because they were a new type of clone so to speak, they deserved a new word: "Klovn", or Clown.* His teacher, who was a a wise old man, never did understand it. In fact, The Great Foyer of Records(not to be confused with The Great Hall of Records) has him quoted as saying "Kids these days... making up new words like they're smart or something... well back in my day, we didn't have words... wait, we did. My bad... the kid is just too creative. Kind of like how anakin had too much of a midichlorian coun... oh wait, that hasn't come out yet, whatever it is..". So you see, it is quite simple. Clowns and Clones are the same thing. Clowns just look funnier or scarier, depending on what you think.


So does this mean that we will all be attacked by clownes? like a clownevasion?
No. Shortly after they tried to sack Denmark, some guy with a Ham led them free from the rule of The Roman Empire, and the then crazy Rulers. This later gave inspiration to Shakespeare to make Hamlet(changing a few major details here, there, and everywhere). From then on the Clownes were a peaceful and prosperous people. Today Clownes aren't too bad, they just scare people. Of course if you ask them they'd say kids love them, but we all know the truth. So there you have it, the entire slightly abridged* history of clones/clowns. If you don't believe me, that's not fine. It's not surprising for someone to think I'm making all this up...



*1 This statement has also been verified by myself, and is available in Tim's History of The World: You'd be better off with a real book Edition, available from BobCo Publishers.

*2 I was tired, so I abridged it. a little.

The Economical and Sociopolitical Effects of Texting One's Brother.

The Economical and Socio-Political Effects of Texting One's Brother

Or as one might say in a different Country,

Der Economic Effekt der Fischschwimmens während auf Feuer

A Well researched Paper(hint hint) By: Tim Ducote

To start off my paper, I would just like to elaborate why one would write such a paper of useless proportions. The answer is and will always be, "One writes these sort of papers for educational institutions. There is no other need for such a topic; Only The Man would make one write about such a thing."

Now that I've gotten 57 words out of the way, on to the other four hundred and forty three.


Part One
How I eloquently show you the ecoNOMNOMNOMical effects of texting one's brother

One might think finding the economical effects of a simple text these days is hard; that is simply not the case. At the moment, America is in slightly hard economic times. The dollar is at record lows to the pound, euro, Canadian dollar, and yes, even to a Charmin® Mega Roll square(used by some countries as Currency... Or at least it could be, it's so dang thick.)
Texting on average costs about four cents per text, so deductively speaking, if one were to send five texts in one day, that's twenty cents. And as we all know, that's one shiny Jefferson coin away from a shiny Washington coin with one's favorite state on the back(My favorite is Louisiana, it has a pelican on it.) But how is twenty cents anything close to an ecoNOMNOMNOMical effect? If one simply does a currency exchange, it is easy to see. But in case whoever is reading this doesn't usually carry a copy of Idiot's guide to currency exchange whilst reading something absolutely preposterous I have a table available on photobucket, here for you. So, as one can see, it is quite an economnomnomical toll on one's pocket book. I believe a caption for an LOLcats picture on this subject would say "im in ur pocketbook, nomming ur currencees"

Part Two
Where I show you the Socio-Political effects of this all, or as most people would think "How I learned to ruin and fix a political argument on a social networking site like Facebook within one day. w00t!"

What does Socio-Political mean, anyways? I think it's safe to say that as much as we'd like, it isn't a word to describe Hilary Clinton(or insert disliked politician here _______) as a sociopathic political godzilla. No, Socio-Political does in fact mean "An interpretation of art history which takes into account social and political factors." according to the "www.arts.auckland.ac.nz/ahist/arthist111/glossary/index.htm" website, which I can confidently say sounds quite reliable thanks to the "arthist111" line(sounds like a college class to me!). Now how does this apply to my everyday life? The answer is prank texts. Few people know that pranking is in fact an art. The art of messing with other people till they go crazy, to be precise.
If one goes and looks at the currency table again, it is easy to find the following things to happen.
Here's just a few:

• Congress would go mad if they ever started texting each other, causing political uproar; this would be bad.
• Idk, no moar txting my bff 4 art hstry info cuz it costs so much, kthx?
• and the list goes on...

Because pranking costs the "prankee" so much, if ever discovered it is economically unsafe to even think about how to pay for it. To be even more precise, it would be like when Tom Hicks and George Gillet had a £350m refinance plan that almost no fan hoped would happen. One wouldn't want to be in that situation, most likely wishing one had just watched that rerun of Star Trek instead(But we all know Kirk pranked the Klingons every now and then, eh?).
Now I realize I've only talked about the economical and political points. The social points are not much at all, really. Plain and simple, if the current economic state continues, prank texting will cost too much. That is unless you don't mind losing money and property to pay for it.

How most would react to the loss of items from prank texting*:
Loss: No cable TV.
Reaction: "No biggy, no biggy... UEFA Champions League will be missed"
Loss: No internet.
Reaction: "Oh well, back to snail mail."
Loss: Money(the Pink Floyd single 45 record).
Reaction: "Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash..."
Loss: Money, as in one's cash.
reaction: "Well there went gas for my car for social events... My utilities, making me a hermit... Food money, well I'm gone from society fo sho now..."

*Note, these are NOT my personal reactions.

So thusly, and furthermore, as one can see these are the economical and socio-political effects of texting one's brother. From my own experience, I have learned it is not the smartest idea. I will leave the judgment of that however, to the reader. But trust me, I'm right on this. Quoth the Tim, Nevermore.






Sources:
Google search with "define:" added for word meanings.
Info on state quarters: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/State_quarters
All currency conversion except CMR: www.xe.com/ucc
Info on GBP and how I got the squiggly L with a line through it(£): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pound_sterling
Info on LOLcats: http://icanhascheezburger.com
Additional crud provided by the person who runs www.myspace.com/ska_avenger, and this blog.

Thanks to Edgar Allen Poe for the nevermore line I threw on at the end, it adds a good dramatic effect and allows me to use more than one word that ends in "more" within the paragraph.

An Investigation of Giraffes

It was an average night for me tonight. A good dinner, computer whirring and making a funny sound.. but I had plenty of stuff on my mind- Stuff I had to tell. And that stuff isn't about my life, school, or anything like that. No, It's about giraffes. It's been bothering me since I thought up this whole idea five seconds ago, so I figured I'd blog about it. Here it goes.

Giraffes are mysterious creatures. Very mysterious creatures. Some eat trees. Some go to cartoon schools. And some happen to own a really big toy store chain across the United States. But what's most mysterious about giraffes are their name, and their ginormous necks. Now I realize my statement might offend any mutant giraffes that somehow have access to the internet and my blogs, but I think they're used to it anyways..er, if I do, I'm sorry. Anyways, the first thing I'm going to look at is their name. Giraffe. It breaks into two parts: 'gir' from the word giro meaning spinny thing, and 'affe' which comes from the word waffle. So this tells us several things. The first being that the person who discovered them was hungry, the second is that the person liked spinny things, and the third is that the person like waffles, or all three of those things.
One last thing that it tells us is, the giraffe was indeed, poorly named.

Now, as for their huge necks, that is still an unsolved mystery that I am researching. I do have one surprising lead that I am inclined to believe. The lead suggests that giraffes are in fact part animal, part missle silo. I have one picture proving that this surprising theory could be true. Here it is.



So there you have it. I've presented all my research results and it's up to you to decide if what I'm saying is amazingly true, or just a bunch of bullcarp(different from the bull carp, see here). Anysupercoolways, I'm done with my investigation of giraffes, the rest is up to you.

Sources: My own thoughts. No real stuff. Wait, I had help from The big W!!!!!!

A proposal for a solution to the end of America's debt, or "How I think we wasted money".

Ok, so it's my first blog on this blogspot thing and obviously I don't want to mess it up with some lame movie review, or with something like "My life, oh it's so emo-ly exciting". Nay, I choose to pick the hard hitting stuff everyone loves to hear(and subsequently laugh at five seconds later).
So now, here it is.


A proposal for a solution to the end of America's debt, or "How I think we wasted money"
Part One, or "The first part".

Picture this. Americans, walking down the street when suddenly a small coin drops out of their pocket. That one hero guy goes to pick it up, but is accidentally trampled upon and pushes it down a drain. Or, you could go with the oh-so-common "Make a wish" and throw it in to a pond/river/body of water example, but I wanted to get my point across. We waste pennies. A man once said "A penny saved, is a penny earned". That man, also known as Benjamin Franklin, knew what he was talking about. You see, America is in debt. Lots O' Debt. How is this, with America being the wealthiest country? I don't know.... Oh wait, I do know. It's the pennies, and all sorts of other change that we drop.
And so, just in the very first part of my long, drawn out proposal for a solution to end America's debt, I propose we start a penny/dime/nickel saving commission. It could have a commercial, with a catchy phrase that Emery used(for an unrelated song) "You Think You're Nickel Slick [But I Got Your Penny Change]". If America doesn't start now, we'll start down the long forgotten road of no coin change. And that would not be fun on 99 cent taco Tuesdays for most of us.

Part Two, or "The Second Part", or "The Effect of saving our coins, and also the wildlife affected" or "Why doesn't he just stick with one title?"

So I've already Proposed to collect the coins from the ground, and body of water, etc. What more do I want? Well 20 bucks would come in handy right now, but the real thing I should do is show you how our carelessness with coins has affected the fishes, and a few other wildlife, such as the platypus. You're probably thinking "how did my one penny affect it?" or "all I wanted to do was give it some money...". The thing is, fishes and other animals can't do some things as well as we humans can. This chart should show it.

Chart To Compare Fish to People


So you see, we have to take those comparisons into consideration when we toss our spare change into their home. They can't handle it. Now, am I saying we should just get rid of the problem altogether? Not the fish problem, no. The money tossing problem yes. As our president one said, "I believe the Human Being and fish can coexist peacefully". I do not believe, however, that pocket change and fishes can coexist peacefully. It's a recipe for penny eyed fish, with a side dish of debt, and disaster for dessert.


Note the Penny-eyed salmon, no longer bearing an ounce of tastiness, but now an ounce of your pocket change.


a close up view of the horror

So you see, as I end this due to a lack of creativity, writer's block, and a general want to end it- There is one true point throughout this blog. If America would just pick up their pocketchange, I dare say we wouldn't be in debt.


Of course, what do I know about taxes and spending and such....