Can America Bring Home the Gold?
By: Tim Ducote
WASHINGTON, D.C.- This statement might come to many as a surprise. The first being me writing a news article, and second being texting as an Olympic sport. But in a recent interview with the U.S. Olympic Committee, we find both happen to come up. "I didn't know texting was a sport" said U.S. Olympic Ombudsman John W. Ruger. "But we're certainly working on it. We've got a team together, including the World's best texter Ben Cook... That kid is so good, only a robot can beat him." he said, confidently referring to the fact that Ben Cook has only been beaten in texting competitions by a text-to-speech computer. The rest of the team has not been named yet, but speculators say it will be "the next dream team, but in tech form". But the U.S. will have some tough competition, most likely going against England's favorite James Trusler, New Zealand's Elliot Nicholls, and the 16 year-old Singaporean wonder Ang Chuang.
The main thought on everyone's mind though is this: Will anyone be texting, idk their bff jill... or maybe rose?
Disclaimer: THIS IS ENTIRELY FICTIONAL, POKING FUN AT THE OLYMPICS. NO ACTUAL EVENTS MENTIONED TOOK PLACE.
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