Attack of the Clownes?

Once again, I decided to make another blog of stupid conspiracy theories. Sure, with the Dallas Morning News giving me free reign to go through new, previously hidden J.F.K. assassination files I could have proven that it was the Mongoose in the grassy knoll after all, but we all know that's true and thus would have been a waste of precious internet for me to write about it. Remember, the internet isn't a truck where we can dump all our files onto. It's a series of tubes, and they can be clogged. Which is why I'd like to remind you to be green when using the Interwebs. I think I can say roughly one ninth of the internet has been lost from wasted internet. If this continues, along with the average user's silicon footprint, in ten years roughly one ninth will still be wasted! I'll leave you with my favorite SoTA(series of tubes awareness) poster. Series of Tubes Poster.


What you came to read in the first place
Anyways, I'd like to bring awareness to Clowns. Er, Clones. Okay, both of them. You see, to properly explain I'll have to go back a little. Last year I studied etymology a little, also known as the study of words and where they come from. While researching words one day, I came across an astonishing discovery. Now, along with my colleagues Professor Tim Coolson and Professor Bob G. Madd, I have reason to believe that Clowns and Clones are actually one of the same. Ok, so maybe it's just me and I made up the two "colleagues", but I still have reason to believe they're closely related.

And Now for something completely in Danish, or really just a few Danish words here and there.
If one looks up the Danish word for Clown, they would easily find that it is "Klovn".
Now if one does the same for Clone, they find the word is "Klon". What? Only a one letter difference? How could that be you ask? Well it's simple. Way back before the Germanic Consonant Shift in the third century(we're talking B.C./ early A.D.), the Danes were just chilling. Yes, Chilling... That is until a massive Klovn Attack, also known to many as one of the attacks Ceasar Augustus sent upon the Danes. Of course then they weren't known as Danes, and yes I realize I just made a statement saying that Ceaser Augustus himself, the first Roman Emperor sent Clowns to attack. And I stand by that. Sort of. More of right next to it. You see, what strikes fear into a grown man's heart more than clowns? Nothing. Well, not much anyways. Augustus knew this, and as a man who knew the power of clowns himself, he sent them upon the Danes hoping to conquer them. When the clowns arrived, ironically all crammed onto a tiny cart carried by a miniature pony(much like the tiny cars they use today) it was interesting. A young historian at the time, along with his teacher, were recording the moment in history. The boy described them as "klovns" much to his teacher's disagreement. At the time, the word "Klon" had many meanings, such as clone. If the boy had used "Klons" to describe them, it would have been accurate. But the boy, much like myself, thought that because they were a new type of clone so to speak, they deserved a new word: "Klovn", or Clown.* His teacher, who was a a wise old man, never did understand it. In fact, The Great Foyer of Records(not to be confused with The Great Hall of Records) has him quoted as saying "Kids these days... making up new words like they're smart or something... well back in my day, we didn't have words... wait, we did. My bad... the kid is just too creative. Kind of like how anakin had too much of a midichlorian coun... oh wait, that hasn't come out yet, whatever it is..". So you see, it is quite simple. Clowns and Clones are the same thing. Clowns just look funnier or scarier, depending on what you think.


So does this mean that we will all be attacked by clownes? like a clownevasion?
No. Shortly after they tried to sack Denmark, some guy with a Ham led them free from the rule of The Roman Empire, and the then crazy Rulers. This later gave inspiration to Shakespeare to make Hamlet(changing a few major details here, there, and everywhere). From then on the Clownes were a peaceful and prosperous people. Today Clownes aren't too bad, they just scare people. Of course if you ask them they'd say kids love them, but we all know the truth. So there you have it, the entire slightly abridged* history of clones/clowns. If you don't believe me, that's not fine. It's not surprising for someone to think I'm making all this up...



*1 This statement has also been verified by myself, and is available in Tim's History of The World: You'd be better off with a real book Edition, available from BobCo Publishers.

*2 I was tired, so I abridged it. a little.